Dear Diary
by xZig-zagx
Summary: A look into Tomoe’s personal thoughts and writings. One Shot.


A/N: This was my submission to the rkchallenge community on live journal. It tied for first.

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**Genji year one, August**

The revolutionaries, including the Chohu clan, have taken a heavy blow. They're scattering their resources, including Battòsai. I must stay by his side and figure out his weakness, that is my only mission, and the only reason I accepted his odd marriage proposal. He said he wants me to stay with him until death parts us. I must admit my heart started to beat faster as he spoke, but it must have been from the danger that surrounded us, nothing more.

**Genji year one, August**

We moved into our new home today, as husband and wife. It was a busy day, lots of unpacking and I gave the place a good sweeping. It was so dusty when we first arrived, I don't think anyone has lived here for quit awhile. After we got everything cleaned up and our few possessions place inside I must admit, it looks very homely, as if we're a normal couple.

**Genji year one, August**

I woke this morning to Himura already dressed. He changed from his kimono, haori, and hakama for a simple yukata. It seems strange to me to see him walking around without his swords through his belt, but they would draw suspicion. I think he is uncomfortable without his weapons; whenever he's inside he carries them around with him. Last night he slept sitting up with his katana rest against his shoulder as always. It's sad that he cannot find peace and safety, even out here in the country, away from all the bloodshed. Then again, being Battòsai, no place is safe for him.

**Genji year one, August**

It's been a couple weeks now. We're running low on the supplies we brought with us. We'll have to go into the nearby village soon to pick up some more. Himura seems nervous about this, he won't be able to take his swords when we go. He tries to hide it, but I can see the way his hands fidget slightly and subconsciously tries to clutch the sword that is no longer constantly at his side. He's restless without his sword, uncomfortable. What kind of life must he live if he cannot be comfortable without a weapon by his side? I feel pity for this man, but nothing else has changed. Kiyosato will be avenged.

**Genji year one, August**

We went to market today. Himura was indeed nervous, but he hid it well. The village people seem really friendly, they greeted us with smiles. I think it helped Himura to relax.

**Genji year one, August**

Some of the children came to visit us today. Himura seemed to really like their visit. He was more than happy to play with them, which surprised me. I never knew a killer could be so good with children.

**Genji year one, August**

I found out something today about Himura. He's not a really a samurai, he grew up in a farming family. He's suggested growing our own garden tonight. I can't be sure, but I think he seemed excited about the idea.

**Genji year one, September**

Our garden has been planted and the village people have accept us as a simple husband and wife. Himura enjoys spending his days collecting herbs and playing with the children. It's hard to picture him as he was in Kyoto. His hands no longer fidget constantly for his sword, although he is still unable to sleep without his blade close by.

**Genji year one, September**

I fear for our little garden, the rains have not stopped, drowning our little plants. All the work that Himura and I put into them, I do not want to see that wasted. The first thing we did together, to be ruined. Himura is calmer about this, saying that these things happen, but I cannot think like this. I want our little garden to grow.

**Genji year one, September**

The children came by again to play with Himura. They come over nearly everyday to play. I normally stand back and watch as they tackle him to the ground. He really is very good with children. Sometimes I try to play with the kids, but they'd rather play with him.

**Genji year one, October**

Our crops are going to make it. I was so excited. Kenshin and I worked hard on our little garden, I would have been devastated if it had all been for nothing. He eats his food with rapture now, as if he's tasting food for the first time. It seems so sad to me, he could have been so happy with just a small piece of land. I wish he had never touched a sword and just could have lived his life out as a simple farmer.

**Genji year one, October**

Kenshin's caught a cold. He tries so hard to hide the fact that he's not feeling well. I know he doesn't want me to worry, I'll have to make him some tea to drink later today.

**Genji year one, October**

He's feeling much better now.

**Genji year one, October**

A couple of men came to our house today. One them had accidentally cut off his finger while chopping wood. Kenshin acted swiftly, he stopped the bleeding right away. He plays the role of doctor well. He quickly used some medicine he had mixed up to help the injury heal faster and he wrapped it up carefully in bandages. I feel sorry for the man that lost his finger, but thanks to Kenshin he should recover just fine.

**Genji year one, November**

It's starting to get colder out. We went to town together to pick up some supplies that we needed. We saw the man who lost his finger while we were there. He seems to be doing fine now and thanked Kenshin for his help. Most people probably wouldn't have noticed, but I could see the way Kenshin's eyes lit up when the man thanked him. As Battòsai I doubt he would have been thanked much, and even if he was, I don't think he would have liked being thanked. It makes me glad that he can experience what it feels to be thanked for doing a good job.

**Genji year one, November**

It never ceases to amaze me how well Kenshin is with the children. I'm not sure what they were fighting about, but two of the older boys started fighting each other. First they were shouting at each other, then they were hitting each other. Kenshin stepped in quickly, perhaps too quickly, he's going to have some nasty bruises later. The boys where so upset that they had hurt him instead of each other that they stopped fighting altogether. Maybe that was Kenshin's plan all along?

**Genji year one, November**

Has it really been this long? The time has flown by since we first arrived here. It had been relatively peaceful. It's been even longer still since I first met Himura Battòsai, the night it rained blood. It seems ages ago. I almost hate to admit it, but I've enjoyed the time I've spent with him. The nights spent awake, waiting for him to return, fearful someone had killed him seems like a bad memory from years ago. Although, now I'm not sure if I was worried he wouldn't come back alive or if he would be killed before I had a hand in his death.

**Genji year one, November**

It snowed today, but it didn't last long. It has already melted away.

**Genji year one, November**

We're heading to the village again. This time to stock up for winter. We don't want to find ourselves unprepared should we get snowed in one day.

**Genji year one, December**

I watched Kenshin practice today. He seemed so graceful, moving from one form to the next. I don't know much about the sword, except that it kills, but seeing him practice it seemed more like a dance. When he finished we talked a bit. He told me that he really enjoys Kenjutsu, but not the killing. Battòsai disliking killing? Most people wouldn't believe it if they were told, but he didn't need to tell me that. I could see it. It's in his eyes, the way he moves, the way he talks. If only there was a way he could still use his sword and not kill, if only there was a way.

**Genji year one, December**

It snowed again today. The children came over and played in what little snow there was. It was amusing watching them play in it. They seemed to really enjoy throwing the snow at Kenshin.

**Genji year one, December**

It's warmed up again and all the snow is gone. While playing with the kids today one of the girls fell into some mud. I helped her clean it and she was very thankful I was able to get all the mud off. She said she would have been scolded by her mother if she had ruined another kimono.

**Genji year one, December**

Kenshin went out to gather herbs and met with that man again. I don't know why, but I don't trust I'Izuka. He doesn't tell me much about what they talk about when they meet, but he always seems just a little uneasy when he comes back. Part of me hopes that the revolution will fail right now, so that we can go on living the way we are now. I fear the day that Katsura will return and ask Kenshin to kill for him again. The children have arrived, I'll have to play with them seeing how Kenshin isn't back yet.

**Genji year one, December**

He did seem quiet when he came back, but luckily the children were able to cheer him up. By beating him with balls and sticks, but he didn't seem to mind. They were excited to see him back, I'm really not good at playing and smiling, but I like seeing the children. One of the children told Kenshin that their father said that he was strange and that she shouldn't play with him, but her mother said that he was a good man and that she could play. In a way, that girl's parents were both right. I found out more about my husband tonight. Some of it sad, but he says that he finally understands what happiness is, what it is he's been fighting for. He says he's never started a conversation with anyone, never traded smiles with anyone, it's just been him and his sword since the age of ten. How could someone live without happiness and fight for other people's happiness?

**Genji year one, December**

I write this with a shaking hand. Enishi was just here. At first I couldn't understand how he had found me, but those men, the men I'm working for sent him to me. It angers me that they dragged Enishi into this as well. It's all gotten out of hand, I'm not sure what I should do now. I'm afraid Enishi is angry at me because I tried to send him home to---

**Genji year one, December**

My last entry was cut short because Kenshin came inside and I was afraid he would see what I had written. When he came in, I decided to tell him everything. That's what I had wanted to do, but I couldn't bring myself to tell him that he was the one that had killed Kiyosato, that I had come here to kill him. I did tell him that I was to be married, I think that really shocked him. I tried so hard not to cry as I told him that my fiancé had been killed and how I had come to Kyoto and blamed myself, but I couldn't stop myself, I cried. I thought he would stand there and let me cry, but instead he held me. He comforted me. Let me cry on his shoulder in his strong arms. He told me he understood, and for the first time I openly mourned for Kiyosato.

When I gained control over myself again, it had grown cold. We wrapped up in a blanket and sat huddled together. He told me then that he had left his master to fight in the war to bring people happiness. He told me how all the death he thought he had to go through to obtain that happiness was not the right way, that I had opened his eyes to that. He no longer smells blood all the time, but hakubaiko instead. He sees now that one man cannot bear the happiness of a nation on his shoulder, but instead only the happiness of those he sees before him. He must keep killing until the new world comes, but after that he vowed to me that he would never kill again, and I believe him. He wants to atone and I know he will. He also promised me that he would protect my happiness, and I know he will. For, as long as he's alive, I will forever be happy.

I must put a stop to what I have started in anger. He will not die here, not today, I will not lose my happiness again. Not when I have the power to stop it.

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Enishi closed his sister's journal. He had read it so many times before. Slowly his eyes lifted up to the sky, he had nearly killed the man his sister had loved so much she had been willing to die for him. 


End file.
